Twinsies

I've been completely MIA for the last week or so, and for that I am incredibly sorry.

And yet, these are the thoughts my mind has been churning:

Ever have one of those moments, where time seems to suspend and reach into the infinite? Life seems to stop moving around you as you being to see the reality of the world around you for the first time. That moment where clarity seems to sink in, and suddenly – you understand.

I've had two of these moments in my short lifetime {incredulous I know}

I’m an eccentric, loud, and crazy individual. I have no filter, as soon as the thought pops in, the words spill from my lips – regardless of how they affect others, myself, or future endeavors. I laugh, loud and often. I have a total disregard for consequences, and follow the small whims of my desire. It is my belief that you can do what you wish with your life, while still respecting others. I believe in love and happiness, I believe in the happily ever after -- not in the romantic sense, but in the individualistic, I can achieve anything sense.

However, deep in the recess of my brain there resides {The Mind}. An entirely different entity which always wishes to drag the small rays of light I live off of, down into the dark spaces of my mind. It’s incredible how the mind works, and functions. It’s absurd how once it takes over one can change completely, and seems to transform into another completely different individual. One in which nothing has meaning. Nothing is worth the time or effort, and there is no point in enduring, as there is no hope – either for yourself or others.

The mind is a dark and scary place.

And yet, as always there is one constant ray of light in my world. One light which will never be diminished. A light which will never allow me to give up hope or get lost into the darkness. This light encourages me to be the person I was meant to be. She pushes me to edge of the darkness and allows me to free fall into the beauty of life. She is the one cornerstone which I refuse to relinquish. She is the reason I am where I am, she is the reason I am the woman I have become.

{She is my muse}

But more than that, she is my sister.

For years she has pushed me to overcome the dark corners of my mind. To confront them head on, instead of repressing them into my subconscious. She refuses to allow myself to be forever lost, as this would affect her in ways I could not even begin to understand.

So, about 4 years ago, I sat emotionless – completely drained from my life and (for lack of a better word) the shithole it had become. There had been too many dark nights, endless shenanigans, and moments where I could not remember. I had lost myself completely to the dark corners of my mind. I could literally feel my mind forcing the reins from me, completely subordinating me to its demands. I was running the risk of losing the very essence of who I was, of being completely consumed by the darkness. As I sat lifeless, it was the thought of what would happen to her, if I allowed the darkness to consume me completely -- that allowed me to endure. How losing me would forever change her, and the ripples it would cause across her lifetime. It was in that moment – I chose her, I chose to strive to be the individual she believed me to be.

If she believed it {in her infinite wisdom} then it had to be possible.

I have spent 4 years motivated by this incredible woman. She is my role model, and I hope one day to be as kind and caring as she is. I hope one day to be able to achieve the level of compassion she has shown others throughout her lifetime. I hope one day, I can be as successful (not professionally, but personally and morally) as she is. I hope one day I can make her proud, by producing that novel she so desperately wants from me.

But more than anything,

I hope to one day to make you proud, by being the woman you believe me to be.

That second life altering moment?

The day she became engaged. This was the beginning of my sister’s happily ever after, and it was at this moment I realized – I can have my own.

xoxo

Below are pictures from the Bridesmaid Brunch, served deliciously at Swine Southern Table and Bar. 

Fashion Diaries: 

Monday: 

Blue Skinny Minnies: Gap | Blue Polka Button Down and Yellow Sweater: The Limited | Jewels: J. Crew | Optics: Ray Ban 

Tuesday: 

Little Black Dress: The Limited | Jewels: J. Crew | Polka Tights: The Limited | Sunnies: Vince Camuto 

Wednesday:

Pants, Sweater, and Button Down: Old Navy | Statement Chain: Bauble Bar |
Mr. Bird: Target | Optics: Ray Ban

By the By: I hope to be able to include small pieces of myself. It is my hope that each post will allow you to be able to understand me, both by my fashion and my writing. As such, I hope to include both text and fashion pictures. I know this not the norm, but as you'll quickly come to learn, I'm not of the norm either. Life can take you to unexpected places, and I hope by sharing small pieces of myself, those of you out there will be able to cope and learn as I did -- with the love and support of others. This week's fashion diaries only reaches until Tuesday, however -- all daily outfit posts can be found on my instagram account @fashionxplum  

Corporate America is my profession -- but not my style. Don't get me wrong, I am a strong believer in the professionalism required of a large, up and coming company. However, I refuse to relinquish myself completely to the drones of the corporate world. I am who I am, and this personality is physically manifested in the way I express myself through fashion. 

I've come to learn life is best lived, expressing yourself fully. Fashion allows me to do this, while giving me the confidence to be who I always wanted be.